


To Breathe Again

by Andromakhe



Series: Of Blades and Blossoms [7]
Category: Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (TV 1987)
Genre: Duality, F/M, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, Romance, Sleepiness, Teasing, Tenderness, playfulness
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-08
Updated: 2015-12-08
Packaged: 2018-05-05 14:12:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,455
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5378156
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Andromakhe/pseuds/Andromakhe
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Set a month or two before "Steady." Lotus refuses to open herself up to pain again. But in the end, she has no choice but to trust. She is reminded that Leonardo knows just how fragile and strong she is.</p>
            </blockquote>





	To Breathe Again

**Author's Note:**

> This is set a little before "Steady." Not sure how much, exactly. A month or two, perhaps. I don't think about time before I write a fic. I write the thing and then decide where it might fit based on how it turns out. Maybe not the best way of doing things, but I feel it lets the characters tell the story they want to tell more easily.
> 
> I hope Lotus comes across plausibly, without feeling too dramatic or weak.
> 
> Here's another sleepy fic. Those are just guaranteed to be warm and fuzzy for me.
> 
> Posted because I just couldn't wait. I hope this is enjoyed.

Lotus lies on her stomach, the artificial breeze created by her fan ruffling her hair, ghosting over Leo's cheek, and caressing their necks. Her nose is partially buried in the pillow she cradles against her bosom. Leo is on his side facing her, and she can easily throw an arm over his ribs and his shell, but doesn't. His arms are curled close to him as he cuddles a slightly fluffy blanket that covers him to his ankles. It's soft and light, since he can't sleep without one, but the weather's warm enough to not really need it. 

 

Lotus avoids turning in Leo's direction, shifts further away, but then feels a pang of loneliness and is forced to resume her previous place, close enough to touch but not touching. She pushes herself to a sitting position with her arms, sighing dejectedly and finally glancing over at Leo, who is placid and clearly comfortable. Lotus shakes her head in frustration, gets to her feet, begins to pace. She clenches her jaw and narrows her eyes angrily at Leo, who isn't snoring. She's not sure if he's asleep yet.

 

 _No,_ she scolds herself sternly. _It isn't Leo's fault you feel the way you feel, and it's certainly not his fault he's not doing anything about it. It's not like you've told him, even though you tried once already._

 

Lotus kicks the front of the couch in annoyance and drops onto it heavily, her chin on her palm. She's being ridiculous. Leo's right over there on the mattress. All she has to do is go over there, lie next to him, and- And that's where she gets hung up. She doesn't want to ask him to hold her. She wants him to do it voluntarily. _He would if you asked him,_ an impatient voice in her brain mutters.

 

Lotus growls a little under her breath. And how can she ask him? She's not a little girl, to depend on another's protection and shelter. She won't beg to be loved.

 

Her fair-minded voice whispers that there's another reason she doesn't want to ask him, is ashamed to. It is gentle and knowing, not grumpy like her more critical voice.

 

Lotus's mood turns sad. She remembers a past lover who had refused her when she'd asked, saying he wasn't in the mood. Never mind that she didn't need any kind of physical gratification - just closeness. She hadn't bothered to explain that she didn't expect any sort of follow-through, understanding that he thought she existed to please him. She knows Leo isn't that way, but the past memory makes her sadder than she likes to admit. She wonders now why she'd dated the past guy, but then remembers that he was attractive and charming. She left him soon after that incident and her next choice had been wiser, but then he left her for another woman. That had hurt, but she was okay with it now. It happened sometimes.

 

Lotus is frightened of how much she needs to feel Leo's arms around her at this moment. It isn't smart to depend on other people. And she is getting nowhere arguing with herself. The fact is, she needs to feel his love and it's stupid to deny herself when she doesn't have to. But Leonardo deserves consideration, too, and she's already bothered him. To disturb him again and mar his peace is wrong. She'll just have to deal with her situation.

 

Lotus throws a last, longing glance Leo's way but freezes when she finds him watching her, head propped on his palm like hers used to be. She'd been in the process of standing, so it's not a far drop back to the couch. Leo's beckoning her to his side, patting the place she'd been lying invitingly. But she finds herself reluctant to comply. Leo raises his eyebrows at her quizzically, outstretched hand lowering to the blanket that's still covering him. Lotus' lips press together firmly, holding her words in. Why she cannot speak is beyond her. But she thinks that perhaps it is embarrassment that locks her lips. And she knows it's silly and absurd and Leo deserves better.

 

Lotus reclines against comfortable pillows, leaning her head back and closing her eyes. She feels Leo sit beside her, an arm wrapping around her waist as he mimics her posture, Lotus' arm extending to support his head and his neck. She tilts her head to the right, trying to rest it against Leo's shoulder.

 

"No, love," Leo murmurs gently, sure fingers against her shoulder as he cradles her upper body against his chest and slides off the couch and onto the mattress again. Lotus  feels herself maneuvered so she's reclined against him, the back of her head against his shoulder as her hair tumbles over his arm and down his shell. Leo's cheek rests against hers as one arm rests around her waist, his hand on her stomach. The other hand strokes her upper arm rhythmically.

 

Lotus grasps the wrist moving along her arm and tucks Leo's forearm under her breasts, finding herself smiling as she breathes deeper and slower. She wriggles against Leo a little, trying to get impossibly closer as Leo cups a breast and kneads it carefully. She is more satisfied than she anticipates, but she's still not content.

 

Pulling away from Leo's embrace, she immediately misses it as she turns to face him, catching a flash of irritation in Leo's eyes before his expression settles into neutrality. She's reaching for Leo's hands, but stops and draws back, melancholy falling over her. She nods and starts to get to her feet, but Leo holds up a hand to stop her, regret clear to see. Lotus stays, and Leo takes her hands in his, thumbs caressing them distractedly.

 

"You should rest," Lotus advises, her tone flatter than she means it to be. Her concern, after all, is sincere. "You need energy for the rest of the day."

 

Leo is still impassive, but his thumbs stop moving before he squeezes her hands and shakes his head. "That'd be easier to do if I were sure of your...um...contentment."

 

Lotus turns her head away briefly before meeting Leo's gaze directly. She finds she cannot tell him she'll be all right. Instead, she is burying her face against Leo's chest, then letting her cheek fall to his thigh as her arms twine around his waist, trembling as she blinks back tears.

 

Leo is looking down at her, all concern and gentleness.

 

Lotus lifts her head and takes Leo's beak between her lips, sliding her warm tongue over it slowly before kissing him tenderly. Lotus feels Leo's mouth open under hers, feels his tongue sliding into her mouth, her own tongue moving automatically against his. She's distantly aware of Leo's fingers in her hair, his callused palm against the back of her neck.

 

Lotus pulls away when she feels Leo's tongue retract, crawling to where Leo had been resting and sighing contentedly as she stretches out on his pillow. Leo chuckles on seeing this, the sound warming and soothing Lotus' heart.

 

"Want something to drink?" Leo asks with a smile.

 

Lotus stares at Leo's mouth, licking her lips. She thinks maybe she wants another kiss. She begins to sit up, but Leo shakes his head at her, crawling within easy reach and leaning back on his shell and his hands. Lotus notices that Leo has a pensive expression.

 

"Would you like something?" Lotus inquires solicitously.

 

"Got any cold water?"

 

"Of course."

 

"Would you like to share it?" Leo laughs through his nose, an audible hiss of air, his focus intense.

 

Lotus wonders what could be so important about the question, but nods without hesitation. Before she can move, however, Leo's looming above her, propped on his forearms, mouth bending toward hers as her head lifts to meet him with a toothy grin. It's his turn to lick her lips, but when he kisses her, it is only a quick peck, and he's turned away to fetch the water pitcher. 

 

Lotus growls after him, and Leo laughs over his shoulder at her. Why that...that...Leonardo was going to...No. Lotus knows Leonardo would not cheat her, and vengeance should be directed at people far more inferior. So she waits, and he passes through the living room and sets the pitcher and a glass with water already in it on the dining table before heading toward the bedroom and bathroom. He returns with a small rectangular table, its legs still folded against its underside. Lotus moves to help him set it up beside the futon, smiling into his eyes approvingly. "I hadn't even thought of this. Great idea. I will bring the water over."

 

"I've got it. You just stay there."

 

Lotus shakes her head. "You stay here." Her tone is firm, a little threatening.

 

Leo pauses, uncertain. But at her angry glower, he takes a seat on the mattress and lets her have her way.

 

Lotus sets the pitcher beside Leo, who's using the table as an armrest. She holds the glass out to him, but he doesn't reach for it. She holds it to his lips and he nods, clutching the glass and drinking deeply. He's drained it in one go. Before he can reach to pour more, Lotus has already taken possession of the pitcher, so Leo just gives her the glass.

 

Leo watches, satisfied, as Lotus slakes her thirst. A third is left in the glass when she sets it down.

 

Lotus situates herself across from Leo, her legs resting on his as she meets his gaze and plays with his fingers. "Leo?"

 

"Hmmm?"

 

"Wait. I can call you Leo?"

 

Leo laughs. "Of course. Why couldn't you?"

 

"Your friends don't."

 

"Sure they do. Not often, but they do."

 

Lotus frowns. "I think I prefer Leonardo. I just wanted to see how it sounded, how it felt to say."

 

Leo quirks an eyebrow, shrugs, and nods. "Whatever you wish."

 

Lotus looks on as Leo stretches and rests his shell against the front of the couch, head resting against a pillow on a couch cushion. He puts an arm up beside his head, fingers curling over his palm in relaxation as his eyes close. He sighs quietly, part weary and part comfortable, and Lotus feels tender love and aching guilt. "Are you all right like that? Lying down might be better." She lets her voice express the love she can't vocalize.

 

Leo's eyes open and he raises his head, and Lotus sees he appreciates her concern. He smiles kindly and lays his head back down, turning his face to one side. "No worries," he answers simply.

 

"Leonardo, if I asked you to stay with me, would you?"

 

"Mmm?" Leo mumbles sleepily.

 

"If...If I said I needed your help."

 

Leo's eyes open and he turns his head back toward her general direction. "What kind of help?"

 

"Can you look me in the eyes?"

 

Leo sits up and Lotus plays with his fingers again, Leo having lowered his hand back within her reach. He does as she requests, his breathing even and patient.

 

Lotus searches his expression and decides she has no choice. She can't carry on without his warmth. "I need your arms around me, your companionship, your body against mine," Lotus says quietly, eyes downcast.

 

"Is that all?" Leo mutters, frustrated. "All you had to do was ask." He reaches for her, but Lotus pulls away.

 

"I have angered you, Lotus states sadly, "but that is not what I need. I should have let you sleep." She turns away and lies on her own pillow, her head buried in it again. She isn't crying. Somehow, she is too disappointed and lost to muster tears.

 

Lotus feels Leo tentatively drape an arm over her back. When she doesn't resist, he gently takes her in his arms and Lotus is resting her forehead against his and clinging to him fiercely. "I'm not angry," he says earnestly. "But if I'd known you needed me with you, that it wasn't enough just to be near, that you'd needed to be touched, you could have had that long ago. I don't understand why you put us through so much trouble."

 

"It was unimportant. It was shameful. I am a ninja. I should not be so dependent on anyone. I have pride, Leonardo."

 

"So you think I'd have thought less of you, that I **do** think less of you?" Leo's tone is sharp. Lotus goes rigid, but doesn't pull away. Leo rubs her back and she gradually relaxes again.

 

"No. Not exactly. But your rest is more important. And I thought I should be able to find some distraction. But I couldn't today, and it's worrying that you run so deep."

 

"What do you need, dear one?" Leo asks gently as he pulls away to look into her face.

 

"To feel your love," Lotus replies instantly.

 

"What kind of love?"

 

"Something soft and kind." After some thought, Lotus adds, "Something selfless and tender."

 

Leo nuzzles Lotus' neck, kissing it reverently before making himself comfortable on his pillow and pulling Lotus' back against his chest. He feels Lotus melt in his arms, completely at his mercy. When he strokes her cheek, he feels it curved in a smile, and as his arms tighten around her ribs, he feels her contented sigh. "Lotus?"

 

"Mmm?" she murmurs from the depths of her fulfillment.

 

"Are you happy?"

 

"I am at peace."

 

Leonardo sighs vocally, and Lotus hears his pleasure. "Leonardo?"

 

"Yes?"

 

"Are you satisfied?"

 

"I'm content. My sleep will be untroubled."

 

"I am sorry. For being an idiot."

 

"There's no need." There is teasing laughter in Leo's reply.

 

"Thank you. For being you."

 

Leo takes one of Lotus' hands and kisses the back of her fingers. "Do you still need me, or will you be okay now?"

 

"I think I will always need you, love. But I will wake you when you have to go home."

 

With a soft kiss to Lotus' cheek, Leo finally allows his body to rest and his mind to wander, and when Lotus wakes him with a kiss to his beak and a warm embrace, he finds he is ready for the rest of his day. Lotus brings him the gear he's missing and at his request, puts his mask on him, fingers lingering over his brow and his scalp. After Leo gives Lotus a farewell hug and lengthy kiss, he hears her whisper "I love you" in Japanese in his ear. Leo decides whatever rest he lost was well worth it, and he doesn't bother to restrain his joy as he grins like a young boy and bows with the formality of a young man.


End file.
